Today

Friday, June 27th, 2014. 

It was supposed to be a beautiful occasion - a light pink dress, my family at my side, 2 darling children and the love of my life. A new chapter in my book. A day where all my dreams were to come true.

We connected in the winter of 2012—me and you. I can still remember how nervous I was at lunch that day. And then you kissed me...

I wish I could explain the feelings in my heart and my soul. The fear. The excitement. The hope.

Today

The sun is shining on my face
My tears glisten in the light
The warmth soothes my mind
And mends my soul

My spirit is aligned

And I am here...

Time was passing so quickly
And I was standing still
Like a humming bird
At a butterfly bush

And I was numb to it all

I just hope you never
think about anything
as much as I think about you....

(unless maybe you are thinking of me)

Let me be the one who dances in your dreams

As I unpacked each shot glass one by one

I could hear her sweet voice gently humming
While she washed them with soap and water
Her hands and feet completely wet
As she sat on the counter...

And I couldn't help but smile

I think I'll write you into my tomorrow

4 am
And I'm wide awake

My mind is awake
My heart is awake
My body is awake

I've read
I've stretched
I've taken medication
I've prayed
I've counted sheep

Now I'm wrapped in a blanket
Staring out the window
Making wishes on stars
And talking to the moon

a dream

so i had a dream last night -- it was so real. i re-lived that whole day... remember that day? the day the doctor told me that i had lost a baby... a baby. i can't believe that i was that close to being a mom once - a mom to a child that was yours -

she would've been yours, ours.

i woke with tears streaming down my face wondering if that was my chance.
my chance for the happiness i've always craved.
my chance for a life full of love and tenderness.

even the word "ours" makes my heart break all over again

to fight:

a battle 

struggle

to engage in a battle

attempt to defend

strive vigorously

     i know i fought hard and long -- with every fiber of my being.

how about you?