you are not alone

Last night I went to see "The Forgotten Carols" Michael McLean show with my cousin. I've seen it for the past maybe 10 years, except last year. It's an amazing show. Every year, my heart just bursts. The music and message is so powerful.

This year, though, was a whole different feeling for me.

First.

I was there with my cousin. This girl has always loved and accepted me no matter what was happening in my life. I felt both happy and sad to be sitting next to her. I wondered how I ever let it get to the point where we only talk every once in awhile. We've been through a lot together, her and I. Being there with her opened me up like I haven't been in 3 or 4 years. I got some things off my chest that have been heavy on my heart. I wish I could have talked to her for hours, but she had a long trip ahead of her and an adoring husband to get home to. I love her.

Second.

Michael McLean did something different this year. He wore a different wardrobe... which I noticed, but didn't think it had any significance. He mentioned at the end of the show that the clothing he was wearing was his fathers. His dad no longer remembers Michael's name, but does tell him "There's something about you I like." Michael wanted to honor his dad and let him be there with him somehow. This, of course, made me think of my own amazing father and that got some intense emotions flowing. After this, Michael talked about feeling alone and how heavy of a weight that is to carry. He said "I've never had this feeling before in all the shows I've done, but there is someone in the audience tonight that I need to share another song with." Although, I sure many people felt touched - I was sure he was speaking directly to me. I thought my heart was going to jump right out of my chest and I could not control my tears as he sang this song. Everyone else in the auditorium disappeared. As I closed my eyes, I could only hear him and feel my cousins arm linked in mine. Below are the lyrics to the song he sang:



You're not alone,
even tho' right now you're on your own.
You are loved in ways that can't be shown;
You're needs are known;
You're not alone

And when you cry,
You're just letting go a heartache deep inside.
So tomorrow there'll be sunshine and sky -
and love close by;
You're not alone

And I know that it's not easy,
but I know that it won't last.
'Cause one who loves you more than I
is sending blessings fast.

You're not alone,
say it one more time.
"I'm not alone."
And even when it's hard to find the words.
Your prayers are heard
You're not alone.
You're not alone.


I'm so thankful for moments like these when I can feel that someone really does love me. And alone as I may feel, truly I am not. With all the many many things I am struggling with right now, there is just as much or more beauty in my life. So in my own personal disaster, I am maintaining a clean and loving heart... and this girl right here -- will always be smiling.